Years ago, I ran a recruitment project and interviewed many candidates for a specific position. I always had a rule: to provide feedback to candidates within the same week of our conversation. So the recruitment was going at full speed and I had a list of people who I wanted to give feedback to, but all of a sudden, it was Friday again. Despite that, I did not choose the easy way out: I preferred giving candidates a call to summarize the recruitment process, especially if we had multiple meetings. On that Friday I had only one call left: I was planning to reject a candidate and I wanted to deliver the news over the phone. So I was planning to give some valuable feedback that would help the candidate in their career. The main feedback focused on burnout; it seemed evident to us that the candidate was exhausted and needed an extended break to recharge. The potential was there, but there just wasn't enough fuel to keep this complex and demanding system going. At one point, when you are burned out, you don't know you are burned out, until somebody is holding up the mirror. And you don't want to enter into a downward spiral by switching jobs in the midst of a burnout. 

So I finally gave the phone call. The only problem with it was that I gave the call at 6pm on a Friday evening. You can only imagine how the candidate reacted to my feedback, giving the context. Nowadays, it is difficult to tell if people working at 6pm are on the edge of a burnout or just enjoying their flexible working hours. However, at that time, this event startled me and made me contemplate: "I don't like conflict. What if I wouldn't have given the feedback in details, would I and the candidate be better off?  Was it helpful? How much transparency can we tolerate? Do we want to be shown the mirror? Who should show us the mirror? Am I overstepping boundaries?" and all sorts of other thoughts an empathic and highly conscientious person would think. 

This call brought discomfort to both of us and I still remember it years later. I remember that I felt ashamed and worried that I hurt someone's feelings. But later I realised that it was for a good cause. Today, our society struggles with embracing discomfort. It's not easy to prioritize integrity and honesty over personal comfort. We all have a bit of the "Instant Gratification Monkey" within us, urging us to take the easy way out and postpone discomfort. 

Brene Brown is on point:  "Integrity is choosing courage over comfort. It is choosing what's right over what's fun, fast and easy. We have a culture of fun, fast and easy. We have a culture of people who don't do discomfort. I've never achieved a single thing in my career or life comfortably."

Ever since that experience, I have consciously practised choosing courage over discomfort. I embrace it as I like to think this is the true path that helps us grow and get better. It may taste bitter at first, but it gets easier over time, I promise.

Artikli autor

Kärolin Varblane